Christ Church Safe After Rare East Coast Earthquake

Christ Church shook gracefully and elegantly today as a rare, 5.9 earthquake rolled the East Coast, and the 300 year-old structure and 250 year-old wooden steeple that witnessed the tectonic shifts of 1776 are safe and sound, according to the Rev. Timothy B. Safford.

"I was talking on the phone when the quake hit," he said, "but I thought nothing of it.  Then I noticed people rushing into the streets.  Having been born and raised in Los Angeles, I knew it wasn't a big deal."

Seven signers of the Declaration of Independence are buried at Christ Church, Safford said, "And people are always telling me, in shock over some modern political event, that 'the founding fathers must be rolling over in their graves.'  Today, they did, for seismological, not political, reasons."